


things you were afraid to say

by lostmemoria



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: & then confession of feelings, Alternate Canon, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Kissing, Lydia/Malia friendship, Takes place after 5b
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-06-02 21:13:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6582640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostmemoria/pseuds/lostmemoria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A few months have passed since the catastrophe that was the Dread Doctors, the beast, Theo, and so far, it’s been quite a blissful few months. Of course, there’s always the occasional stray supernatural creature every few weeks because of the power emitting from the Nemeton, but Lydia feels grateful that she can go back to attending her one class at school, filling out college applications, and occasionally helping Malia and Stiles study.</p>
<p>Everything is abnormally, well, normal for once—all except for one thing that is.</p>
<p>Her feelings for Jordan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	things you were afraid to say

A few months have passed since the catastrophe that was the Dread Doctors, the beast, Theo, and so far, it’s been quite a blissful few months. Of course, there’s always the occasional stray supernatural creature every few weeks because of the power emitting from the Nemeton, but Lydia feels grateful that she can go back to attending her one class at school, filling out college applications, and occasionally helping Malia and Stiles study.

Everything is abnormally, well, _normal_ for once—all except for one thing that is.

Her feelings for Jordan. It’s something that she’s admitted to herself for a while now, yet despite it, she tries her best to ignore her feelings and bury them deep inside her. But as each day passes the feeling gets stronger and stronger. She’s realized more than once now how much she wants him in her life, how much she wants to spend time with him, how much she wants to keep on bringing him coffee during their midnight rendezvous, and instead of leaving with just a longing “good night” she can leave with a good night kiss too.

She wants to feel the warmth of his hand twined in hers again, his strong arms wrapped around her small figure, and his sweet minty smell filling her senses as she nuzzles her nose in the crook of his neck. She wants all the affectionate touches, the heart to heart conversations, the feeling of his lips against hers once and for all because it’s been six months and counting—and she doesn’t know how long she can wait until she ends up combusting into flames, which would be ironic to say the very least.

But then again, the majority of the reason why she’s so afraid to act on her feelings when she’s always been the one to make the move and get what she wants is because in the dreary hours of the late night, she’s reminded of Jackson. Then Aiden. And finally, Allison. Three people that she had grown to care about the most who were now either dead or as far away from her as possible. Her best friend is always the one to linger on her mind the longest, the one to bring the most tears to her eyes and make her throat choke up as she cries into her pillow.

Lydia can’t imagine going through the same thing over again if she ever confessed her feelings to Jordan and then had to lose him too.

It’s what scares her the most—losing another person that she loves the most.

 

**

 

“What’s up with you?”

Malia’s voice tears Lydia’s mindless gaze away from the page in her Calculus book as she snaps up at the brunette with a furrowed brow. “What do you mean?”

“Is this about Parrish?”

Lydia never thought her face would burn up so easily at just the mere mention of Jordan, but here she is sitting in her room across from Malia with her cheeks flushed. “No. Of course not,” she lies,  and then going back to focusing on the equations in her textbook.

That makes Malia frown. “Then why’s your heart beating so fast?”

Lydia sighs, “Malia, I thought we were here to study. Not question me about my love life.”

“So, I’m right then! _You do like him._ ” A big smile flashes across the werecoyote’s lips as if she’s just won the lottery and Lydia tries her best to succumb her own smile that’s twitching on the curve of her mouth.

She fails miserably. “Alright, alright! I do like him...I like him a lot, actually.” It’s the first time she’s said those words out loud to someone, and she never thought that someone would be Malia.

“Then why don’t you just tell him?” She says it as if it’s the easiest thing to do, and part of Lydia wishes it was.

“Because every time I tell someone I love them or every time I try to get close to someone, they always end up leaving _me_.” The words leave her lips sadly as she looks out her window, where she watches an overcast shroud the town as winter starts to set in. In just a few more months she’ll be graduating and then spending her last summer in Beacon Hills before finally going off for college. She’ll keep in touch with everyone still of course, Malia, Stiles, Scott, Kira, and even Parrish.

That is, if her feelings for him don’t ruin the friendship she has with him right now. It’s the last thing she would want.

She hears Malia get up from where she was sitting on her bed and walk towards her, hovering over her shoulder. “Lydia. You won’t lose Parrish. I think you might have forgotten, but that guy’s like nearly indestructible. Not to mention, _fireproof_.”

Lydia can’t help but laugh. “You have a point. But, it’s just...What if he doesn’t like me like that?” She bites her lower lip nervously, but on the inside he’s already laughing to herself about the whole situation because she can’t remember the last time she’s ever been so worked up over a guy before like this. And she definitely never imagined herself confiding in Malia, of all people, about it.

But then again, Jordan wasn’t just any guy—He was different from every guy she’s ever come across. He was sweet, nice, mature, dorky, and _good_. And she needs some of that, a little good in her life.

Malia sighs and sits across from her at the bay window. “Well, if that ends up being the case, I can hurt him for you if you want. I’m pretty sure I could take him.”

Lydia rolls her eyes. “Thanks, but no thanks. Hurting and torturing someone isn’t exactly the best way to win their heart.”

Malia huffs, “Okay, but no seriously, you should just tell him. What do you got to lose?”

She thinks about it: Her ego, her pride, her streak of never being rejected by a guy before. But the last time Lydia ever cared about any of that, she was sixteen. She’s definitely not that type of girl anymore, and she sure as hell wasn’t sixteen.

 

**

 

It’s 2 am and freezing as Lydia turns up the heat in her car, the hot air blasting through the vents and warming her up.

She’s been sitting in the driver's’ seat for the past fifteen minutes, still parked on her street while contemplating whether or not to head over to Jordan’s. She knows by now that he got off his shift nearly twenty minutes ago and that he’s probably back at his apartment. She can imagine him sitting on his couch out of his uniform and eating day old takeout food since he never has the time to make dinner anymore with his long hours at the station. Either that, or he passed out as soon as he got home, too tired to even change out of his uniform. It’s the latter that makes her hesitate texting him, but in the end she finally does.

_Lydia | 2:25 am_

_Are you home?_

 

It doesn’t take more than a minute for him to respond back:

 

_Jordan | 2:26 am_

_Yeah, I’m home. Are you alright?_

 

His text can’t help but make her smile a little, because of course his first thought is to make sure she’s okay.

 

_Lydia | 2:28 am_

_I’m okay. I just need to talk to you. I’m coming over in five?_

 

If it had been anyone else, they would have probably told her that it was too late or to come by tomorrow when they weren’t sleeping, but no, not Jordan.

 

_Jordan | 2:29 am_

_Sure. I’ll warm up some coffee. Americano Black?_

 

She smiles more as she revs up the engine and shifts the gear from park, sending off one last text:

 

_Lydia | 2:30 am_

_Always._

 

**

 

The air outside is cold, but Jordan’s apartment is pleasantly warm like she’s used to. He helps her shrug out of her coat with a smile like the gentleman he is before draping it on what he teases is his fancy coat hanger, when really it’s just the back of one of his table chairs.

“Just in time. The coffee’s still hot,” he grins, not even having to tell her to get comfortable as he fetches the mugs from the kitchen because there’s practically a silent agreement between them that over the months they’ve spent together, his space has become her space as well.

Lydia can feel the tips of her fingers buzzing with warmth as she curls up on her usual seat on the couch, her heart beating rapidly and making her grateful that at least hellhounds can’t hear other people’s heartbeats like werewolves do. She’s used to staying with Jordan late into the night, since they used to spend every other day sifting through pages and pages of the bestiary during the summer. Now, instead of looking through mythology books, she was bringing him coffee after his midnight shifts, at first using excuses that she can’t sleep, but now she doesn’t need one since they’ve both come to the conclusion that they enjoy each other’s company. There was a time when he used to tiptoe shyly around her requests of wanting to spend time with him, but now he accepts them with a shy boyish smile that Lydia finds far too cute.

Her gaze raises when Jordan steps back into the room, holding two piping hot mugs. “Americano black with two sugars just how you like it,” he says, his smile bright in his dimly lit apartment.

“Thanks.” She can’t help but smile back, because she’s learned that it’s nearly impossible to _not_ smile around him.

He sits next to her and hands her the mug, letting their fingers brush together and it sets a fire to Lydia’s skin. She only manages to take a sip before the nerves start taking over, making her jump into small talk to try and avoid the reason why she came her in the first place for as long as she can. Jordan doesn’t seem to mind at first, telling her about his day at her asking, but it doesn’t take long for him pick up on her signs—the way her foot is tapping against her ankle, or how she can’t seem to stay still, and when her hands shake while trying to place the mug down on the coffee table, Jordan’s hand immediately covers hers so that she doesn’t end up spilling it burning her fingers.

“Woah, Lydia, are you okay?” There’s a worried expression across his face and he doesn’t let go of her hand, and at first Lydia thinks her heart’s going to burst out of her chest but surprisingly, she feels strangely calm with her hand in the warmth of his palm. Her nerves settle and she actually manages to breathe freely for the first time since she’s been here.

“Don’t let go,” she whispers, almost pleadingly. She thinks that it has to be something to do with the banshee and the hellhound connection, how they’re both drawn to death and maybe they balance each other out, but she knows deep down that it’s more than just that. She’s always known it.

“I won’t,” he murmurs as his fingers twine with hers, squeezing lightly, and it’s close to the best feeling in the world, that is until she feels his thumb brush against her wrist in soothing motions. He doesn’t ask her again if she’s okay, because he knows that she’ll tell him when she’s ready.

And when she feels like she can finally find the words on her tongue again, she does. “I’m….okay,” she starts, a smile strangely appearing on her lips. “It’s the first time I’ve felt okay in a long time.” She doesn’t look up at him, just keeps her gaze on their intertwined fingers even though she can feel his attentive gaze on her. “And in fact, it’s the first time I’ve felt happy. I can’t even remember the last time I’ve felt like that.” She thinks back to being surrounded by all her friends after being out of Eichen, including Jordan. She thinks about walking back into school for the first time arm linked with Malia’s, she thinks about studying with Stiles and Scott in the library like normal high school seniors. She thinks about Kira and how they have sleepovers now, talking about boys and what not . Then lastly, she thinks about Jordan and how they’ve become so much closer in the past few months.

It makes her glance up at him finally, smiling a little wider. “And you’re a large reason for it. You make me so happy, Jordan.” She watches as her words make an expression of awe cross his features before turning sheepish, while a soft smile spreads across his lips.

“You make me happy too, Lyds.” He says, blushing profusely now as he ducks his head, and Lydia can’t help but laugh softly.

“You’re so _red_.”

That only makes him blush more as he mumbles, “The heater must be on too high.”

She bites her lip to hold in her laughter. “I bet I can make you redder.”

He looks back at her now, an expression across his face that reads too much to her like he knows exactly what’s going to happen next. That after eight long months—it feels like so much longer to her—of dancing around a thin line, of trying to find perfect moments amidst supernatural disasters, of never knowing whether they would survive at the end of it all, and yet, here they were. They had overcome and now, Lydia isn’t going to wait any longer.

Her first risk of the night was coming to his place. She takes her second risk of the night when she kisses him.

Jordan makes a rough noise that sounds like half surprise and half bliss she assumes from the way his hands find their way down to her hips, while also sounding completely _gorgeous_ to her ears as she smiles against his mouth, kissing him harder. It doesn’t take long for him to reciprocate either, because before she knows it she’s the one pleasantly gasping as she feels him gently deepen the kiss, his hand coming up to caress her cheek and Lydia feels like melting in his arms. It’s nothing like kissing Jackson or Aiden, or any other guy she’s ever dated in her life. Kissing Jordan was nothing less than perfect.

When they part for air, she leans her forehead against his, lips still so close that they’re breathing each other’s air. The genuine intimacy and warmth overwhelms her as she finds herself finally saying the one thing that she’s been afraid to say to him for so long.

“I like you, Jordan. I like you _a lot_ ,” she murmurs, looking into his eyes and not knowing what to expect. But then she sees him smile warmly, leaning in to kiss her temple before gently pulling her into his arms.

He whispers against her hair, “I like you too, Lyds. I like you so much, more than you’ll ever know.”  
  
His words sound like sweet music to her ears as she hums pleasantly against the warmth of his body. And after what turns out to be a little more talking, and _a lot_ more kissing, Lydia finds herself curled up and cuddling with Jordan in his bed. He has a protective arm wrapped around her while she nuzzles her face in the crook of his neck like she’s always wanted to, deciding that this is where she belongs, in the arms of the person she loves.


End file.
